Here is a public confession I decided to publish about my time in The Children of God/Family,
I hope you enjoy and get something good out of it.
I will start to say , the reason I joined The Children of God in L.A. 5th and Towne Ave in 1970, is that ever since I was
13 I wanted to be a missionary. I heard God's call on my life at an early age, but got into rock singing and then the Viet
Nam War came and I joined the AirForce.
I knew my calling was to bring God's unconditional love and message of salvation to another country, and I specifically felt
the call to go to Japan........
In the beginning of my time in The Family.....I was taken back by some of the things I saw and heard.....some of the things
were hard to understand why a missionary group would do them, and it rather offended me....but when I prayed about it, I felt
the Lord showed me to stay and grin and bear it, and go through whatever He wanted me to go through.
The details are not important and would not add any positive light to the subject anyway...so I will not include them here...
My goal was to become a missionary, and I believed that through the Children of God , God would give me that opportunity to
get some basic training and then I would be able to go to the country of my choice to serve Him.
I wanted to focus on Jesus and the Bible and not man, not people, not leaders.
I can truly say that I was whole hearted about serving the Lord and going into all the world but some of the things I witnessed
almost stopped me in my tracks.....and as my life in The Family progressed , more and more somethings started looking pretty
strange, but I still
didn't want to lose what I had gained ....the friends, my family and the fellowship, so I decided I would have to go through
whatever God wanted me to , to get me where I was supposed to be..
So you see....what I am saying is that from the beginning I was not sold out to The Children of God ONLY thing.....and when
things started coming out like WILD WIND......Lovemaking with Jesus........MO's Love Tape......Old Church New Church Prophecy.....Pied
PIper.......mt first thoughts were "things are getting weirder"........so I kept praying but the Lord said to stick.
FROM L.A, TO SAN-DIEGO....TO KING CITY...TO BURLINGTON.... over and over again I would get into trouble with leadership over
things I did or said that they didn't like......because I really didn't like what THEY were doing and saying either ........but
I felt I still needed to stick as I didn't want to be labeled as a backslider, and I still really wanted to be a missionary
and go to Japan.
IN HAWAII, I PIONEERED, WITNESSED AND TAUGHT BABES......we started the whole thing, and I was glad to have a little independence
as the shepherd of the beach camp.....I really disliked having to do everything someone was telling me to do , and felt I
could handle things and witness and teach the basics...train missionaries.....then I got the call to go to Japan finally,
and I gratefully took the call.....went .....and my life changed again.
It felt funny going there in the name of The Children of God, you know, because the situation there was not at all like it
was in LA. There were no hippies to witness to......we had to witness to straight people....students ....and business men.....so
we did and I was enjoying it and learning how to be a missionary there, and it was fun.....going to the universities ....singing
in concerts and on the streets ....and witnessing freely learning how to win souls in Japanese......
Until we were told to start selling Mo Letters, even though we didn't have any in Japanese....Oh the Japanese like English
so they will buy them anyway, and leave your guitars home....go get in the funds.....so things changed....and I took my guitar
anyway and was always the bottom, shamer as far as funds go......because David Berg said to let him do the witnessing , but
I was not going to......God called me to Japan to witness and I was going to keep witnessing anyway.....and with my guitar
too....so I did.
I always believed that God wants to express Himself through each individual, each person, in a unique way, and so why should
I let someone else, even a leader, be my expression of God for me? That seemed strange.
I really don't know how I survived those days...but it must have been a miracle....as I felt the leadership really had it
in for me...and they knew I was half hearted as far as loyalty to leadership went. I was not half -hearted when it came to
praying or sharing the Word.....but when we were told that our witnessing would have to be replaced with Mo Letters... that
was a blow below the belt!
I rebelled in my heart and kept rebelling, and never did quite make the Mo Letters distribution shiner list and I didn't really
I was winning souls and also disciples though and training them......in the Bible.....and actually got rebuked for sharing
too much Bible.....too much Bible?????You gotta be kidding , I thought. "how is God going to express Himself through people
teaching the Bible if they think it is too much?
I never could really follow the "new moves " whole heartedly...because most of the time it meant leaving what I had built
to go off and start something new ....before things were even established and strong......in other words... The Family leadership
was the greatest hindrance to my missionary work.....and I didn't really like it one bit.....and several times let them know
in letters that were not exactly short either.
Because I did not agree with the way they "heard from the Lord" about coming in and taking over , sending me to the boonies
to start another one.
For honestly sharing my heart I got expelled and cast off to further remote out posts.....to pioneer again. With my family,
usually pregnant wife and kids.....so that was my fault , kids , that we had to keep moving...you see , I just could not agree
with the leaders who came in to "take over " a work I had worked so hard to build, only to see it taken away .....then later
on closed down by the same leadership who could not make it work for them.......sad. It is not east to see something you worked
on so hard to pioneer and build up suddenly be taken away from you right under your nose without your consent.
When I spoke up about my disagreements, I got the treatment.....more separation.....separation from my wife... and being sent
to be "retrained" ........the number one disciple winner......getting humility training.....ha ha what a laugh that was! Maybe
I was too proud or something, maybe the discipling went to my head..
I did get to work in the LIMM.....the translation unit as a proof reader. That is funny since I was obviously not as dedicated
to the Mo Letters as they wished I would be.....now here I was proofreading them.
I ALWAYS had a hard time believing that David Berg was the End Time David of Ezekiel 34......which is the core of The Family
beliefs.....believing that he is the chosen prophet of the end time......but because of my comments towards this "prophet
" I was again expelled to another place to pioneer again.....which I loved doing anyway, because to me it was not about establishing
out posts for the COG or Family of Love by that time.....I made the mistake of communicating and honestly sharing my heart
on that evaluation report we had to send in during the RNR.
It was sharing the Gospel with people who never heard it before , personally ....right from my Bible and that was always a
real thrill for me....to do what Jesus called me to do.....go into all the world and preach the Gospel, the good news to all.
Now if that just doesn't seem to fit with David Berg's agenda of getting people to believe in HIM instead of Jesus.....than
I am sorry I could not be more of a promoter of David Berg and His Letters, so somehow I just could not bring myself to witness
about Moses David as God's end-time prophet, and spent hours walking the streets with my "lit" while I was telling Japanese
people about the love of God in Jesus and showing them Bible verses,,,,,,,,,,which , by the way ..was taboo....if you hadn't
gotten out all your Mo Letters and made your quota of yen, so that the translators and publishers could pay their rent and
pay the system translators, and live high on the 6th and 7th floors, while we struggled and tried not to spend money on food
or rent, staying in the oldest cheapest places we could.
Things did change however ......and we did prosper a but more later on......as we got into the FFing era .....which turned
into Escorting or prostitution.......doing it for money.......so we could have steak on our plate while we wait.....for our
wives to come home at the wee hours of the morning. I never did agree with that life style.....and it
was a purge for me and a lot of people, having to not only share your wife with strangers.....for money....but also having
to share your wife with every other sex HUNGRY leader or brother........whoever "needed help" help? Oh my goodness we sure
did make up some doozies of expressions to make it all sound nice and "helpful" make the adultery and fornication sound nice
and sacrificial and helpful and then it will be OK right? well, maybe its OK today in this age if all the parties agree, but
I didn't agree, and a lot was done without my consent, or reluctantly consenting for fear of being separated.
Well. all that to say I know I was never very dedicated to those sex causes, sexual witnessing, but I was dedicated to teaching
the Bible, and witnessing, so with each new so called "revolution" my stomach turned more and more.....but I did not want
to lose my friends and fellowship, to be able to fellowship with my friends meant a lot. Sometimes we would even share the
same "doubts" about David Berg and his fascination with sex and being a prophet.......a paper peddler prophet at that.
I went from place to place and trial to trial not knowing if God still loved me....or was getting ready to punish me. I mean
there was the good times to and times of joy of serving the Lord, and winning souls.
We were told that God was "dealing" with half hearts.....and there were those that died or were murdered , like
Shulamite.....not Aaron's , and they were told that she got murdered because they didn't pay their tithe.....how awful!
There was also a young teen who had jumped off of a skyscraper in Hong Kong and instead of comforting the family and us members
, Berg and Maria sent out a letter saying how half hearted the teen was and it was a warning to other teens not to be the
same way or they may suffer the same fate.
That really shocked me that they would write something like that.....how horrible I thought.
I believe my motives were right, as I wanted to still be a missionary and a witness, and my family and friends were still
in The Family so I wasn't going anywhere but was forced to change with the changes......change with the changes.......when
the spirit "helpers" started coming......I was ok with that much......until the Holy Ghosts and More Holy Ghosts and then
Libraries of Holy Ghosts started to take pre-eminence over the Holy Spirit, the one I love.
Next followed spiritual vampires from outer space......Ghosts......demons.....and ghoulish Mo Letters of darkness and showing
David Berg's deep depression and drunkenness.....Halloween Wheel, and Green Door, and I was thinking it was a continuous
Halloween in The Family with all the morbid missives coming out, and things seemed to change from bad to worse with David
Berg's demonic attacks and space vampires......black savages attacking him in the night......demonic faces appearing on the
head board of his bed and walls, freaking him out.......by now I was beginning to wonder if this man was losing his mind.....well,
he did say he was the crazy prophet right?
Nevertheless, I was still happy in my spirit , the inner man....I knew I was saved and happy about it. I had Salvation and
God's unconditional love and grace and nothing could ever take that away from me.
No matter what I had to go through , I would see my family through, my kids and love them and protect them from abuse .......and
from what I had been through.....I saw so many works closed down by leadership....and sheep left to themselves......it wasn't
If The Family leadership really had been caring about God's work.....these works would not have been closed down......real
missionaries that are there for the sheep don't leave their mission.
That made me wonder just how many of the leaders who were making these decisions about who was to go where, really had a
love and burden for the Japanese people......or what were they really after? Power? Money? Climbing the ladder of success
to be close to the top? It sure wasn't souls, thats is for sure, and you cannot tell me or convince me of anything different.....because
I was there, I saw them, talked to them and saw how they witnessed as little as possible ..or never.
That brings us up to the present time........what was the straw that broke the camel's back was when I found out that there
were many things leadership did not tell the main stream family and kept back many matters from us, then the Ricky-Angela
murder suicide happened and the minimizing of it and so called prophecies that I had to read to teens that explained away
the murder-suicide...and practically excused Ricky of any wrong doing.....the whole thing was sickening to me......especially
when I read about how the Jesus is explaining about how Angela died , and was tortured by Ricky with the knife. I said "oh
Lord, why do the kids need to hear this junk?" and that is what I believe it was, just junk,,,,,cover up,,,,,,white wash.......to
spiritualize the whole thing and make it look like everything is ok now ........well it isn't . That crime went down in history.
Little did I know when I joined the Children of God that one of the children of Maria , who came from a fish she FFed in Tenerife,
Davidito.......would grow up to refuse the leadership that was being offered him.....because of the sexual upbringing of his........his
confusion.....and final depression and despair.....the bitterness that led him to do what he did......he chose darkness rather
than the light.......
It is my sincere wish and desire that more and more people come to know Jesus, the real gospel, the good news that God loves
them no matter what they have done.....he loves you and does not judge you according to your
performance.....your actions.........Jesus took all of your punishment so why do you think God would ever punish you for anything?
Do not think that sickness or disease if from God.....it is not God judging you or punishing you...or trying to teach you
a lesson. That is a wrong teaching. If that were really true then why did Jesus heal ALL who came to Him? That sickness or
disease you may have is not a punishment from God nor is it God dealing with you about something or trying to teach you a
Jesus already died on the cross for that disease you have, that sickness...He already gave His life so that others may live...so
why would He now go around handing out sickness to people?
No it is not a punishment because of disobedience, it is not God doing it. You most likely did it to yourself, or allowed
the devil to do it because you listened to his lies
or became a victim of his fears and mis-information by not taking proper care of your body. Let's face it, we live in a fallen
Do you really believe that an all powerful , all knowing , all present God is so emotional and schizophrenic that He changes
His feelings towards you from day to day? And not only you, but 6 billion other people several times a day?
NO He does not! He loves....always loves ....and loves everyone ......every single person on this earth and that is why He
sent Jesus to die for our sins.....so we don't have to,He is steadfast in His love, NEVER CHANGING!
God's love is constant....consistent....never changes one bit. Jesus dying on the cross satisfied God's wrath forever and
He will never be angry with you.Can you just imagine God having to get angry and then get over it with 6 billion people many
times a day, 24/7. That would be enough to drive any God crazy......having to decide who he was going to be angry at next
, and 6 billion people to deal with on that basis.........
Eternal Life is a relationship with God......knowing God and His Son Jesus Christ and this is eternal life.....the Bible says........if
you do not know God loves you ALL the time and you think He is angry with you one day and blesses you when you do good.....then
you do not know the true God and you do not know the true Jesus.
God loves you unconditionally.....without you having to do anything to earn that love......God wants you to just accept it
, his everlasting favor and blessing on your life, and not to doubt it for one minute.
It is the goodness and unconditional love of God that makes us to want to love God and do good to others, not the other way
If you are suffering with a disease or chronic condition and think that God is dealing with you because of some sin, or is
angry with you and doesn't want to heal you, or is trying to teach you a lesson or bring you closer to Him through it all......forsake
these lying vanities of the devil and accept His healing power which is already IN you, on the inside of you if you have accepted
Jesus as your savior.......or start searching deeper into the Word of God to see if maybe there IS some special reason for
you to have this handicap.....but remember that Jesus never authorized any sickness in the Bible as from God.....he healed
ALL who came to Him. The only suffering Jesus authorized as godly was suffering persecution for Jesus sake, not disease.
God not only CAN heal you but He WANTS to heal you, in fact you don't even have to ask Him to as all the power that raised
up Jesus from the dead is on the inside of you and all you have to do is command it to be released in Jesus name. Or get someone
with faith to lay hands on you and pray releasing the healing power of Jesus Christ in you.
Jesus said to speak to your mountain.....he spoke to the fig tree, he told Moses to speak to the rock,,,,,Jesus commanded
healing ...he didn't pray for it....our job is not asking God trying to get God to move on our part,,,,if we have obeyed and
all that thing as if we could earn God's blessings.
there is nothing in this whole wide world you could ever do to earn even one blessing from God, as it is all Grace , and unconditional
upon receiving Jesus as your savior.
The Baptism of the Holy ghost is a by product that comes along with it for those who want it. Have YOU been baptized with
the Holy Spirit? When was the last time you received your in-filling or refill? Have you asked the Lord to fill you with all
His fulness lately? Why not? maybe you do not believe He wants to , maybe you are feeling condemnation about some secret sin
or something you did, or feeling guilty so you do not think God wants to bless you.
Well just chuck that whole caboodle of lies of the devil and receive it , accept it, it is yours for the taking.
He loves you and blesses those who honor Him, ad if your heart is to honor God and glorify Him, he will also honor you.
His thought towards you are ONLY good and never evil......
If you doubt God's love for you, just repent of that doubt and God will most graciously forgive you....and start loving Him
and receiving the revelation of His love for you now.
Remember , if you want to show God's love to the world.....you can't give out what you don't have and are not even sure of
How can you tell people about the love of God if you are not even sure yourself how God is feeling about you today?
I hope you liked my confession.....because most of all it is a confession of the three I love, Jesus , the Father and the
Holy Spirit and these three are ONE!
We don't need any other spirits besides the angels who are the hosts of heaven and are ministering to those who are heors
We should stop trying to "move" God with our prayers. You cannot "move" Him to love you ,,,,,,to bless you......
to favor you.........God already moved 2000 years ago in all of His love, all of His passion when He sent His only begotten
Son Jesus to die for our sins.........All you have to do is accept that fact ........accept His unconditional love for you........He
forgave ALL of your sins before you were ever born! Jesus took it all on the cross.......He took ALL of the Wrath of God in
His body on the cross.........for you!
And Ephesians says HE has already blessed us with ALL spiritual blessings.
How can we ever think that there is ANYTHING We can ever do that could earn us merit with God.......when Jesus paid it all,
every bit of it and we don't have to do anything to help God love us, or to help Him bless us........that is a work of the
flesh and you will only have to repeat it over and over again, and it will NEVER gain you any brownie points with God.
The ONLY grace we have.....the ONLY blessing we have.....the ONLY merit we have is when we accept ALL that Jesus did for us......everything.........and
ask Him to come into our lives ........entering into an intimate relationship with God through Jesus Christ.....a work of
the Holy Spirit.......not of ourselves lest any man should boast.
God loves you unconditionally.........not because you did this or that.........He loves you because He IS love. Not because
you are so lovely or lovable...........in fact.......there is NOTHING lovable about us except for the fact that we trust and
accept Jesus , believe on His sacrifice on the cross as the FULL ATONEMENT for ALL of our sins.
If you have not done that and are still depending upon some of your own works......
some of your own righteousness to bring you into a close relationship with God you can forget it, because that will NEVER
EVER bring you into relationship with God. There isn't any good deed that is good enough to bring you into relationship with
God and cause you to earn His blessings and favor other than fully accepting Jesus Christ, His death and resurrection as the
FULL PAYMENT for your salvation here and now as well as there and then.
The blood of Jesus covers all you sins, and full faith in it gives you the right to inherit eternal life forever as well as
ALL the blessings of God here on this earth too! That is FULL salvation! Healing for the spirit, soul and body, three way
healing.......full salvation.......as the Greek word "sozo" says in the Strong's concordance.
Salvation is KNOWING the Father and His Son Jesus Christ.......not just saying some quick prayer to get a quick religious
fix......and then depending upon your own works and righteousness to keep you in right standing with God. Nothing you do can
keep you in right standing with God, it is only by HIS miraculous work that we are kept , by His power.....in relationship
Jesus said to Make disciples of all nations, not just to go get people to pray a little prayer and be born again.
If you are a saved Christian, in The Family, or even in some church, are you discipling? Do you share the Word of God with
your sheep as often as possible?
You can't just pray a little ditty prayer and expect them to be a disciple. Discipling is hard work, and slow. It is like
the parable of the sower Jesus shared with people. It takes time until the crop is brought to full fruition.
May God bless you and help you to find the true unconditional Love of God. Just ask God to give you a revelation of it today.
And let Him, through the working of the Holy Spirit , by the Word of God cleanse you, and renew your mind daily with the waters
of His refreshing Word. It is our only HOPE to change the world heart by heart.
If you are suffering from a sickness, chronic disease, pain from an injury you received from an accident, or whatever the
cause or origin of the problem, here is a powerful prayer that SMITH WIGGLESWORTH prayed for healing,
and Smith Wigglesworth ALWAYS got results....there is no finalized model prayer, but it is a powerful prayer if you don't
know what else to pray.
"Our Father, help! and Holy Spirit teach me how to pray. Plead thou for us, oh, Jesus, Saviour, Healer, Friend, our Advocate
with the Father. Hear and heal Eternal One! From all disease and death deliver this sweet child of thine. I rest upon the
Word. We claim the promise now, The Word is true, "I am the Lord that healeth thee." Then heal her now. The Word is true,
" I am the Lord, I change not." Unchanging God, then prove Thyself the Healer now. The Word is true, "These signs shall follow
them that believe, in my Name they shall lay hands on the sick and they shall recover." And I believe and I lay hands in Jesus
Name on her, and claim this promise now. The Word is true, ‘The prayer of faith shall save the sick’ Trusting
in Thee alone, I cry, oh save her now, for Jesus sake, Amen!"